Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Jokes

1. Chuck Norris's apartment pays him a thousand dollars on the first of every month.  It's never been late.

2.  Chuck Norris once killed an African elephant by flossing his teeth.

3. Chuck Norris's bed is a tarp spread between four peeled Redwoods.  Contrary to what you might expect, he did not scare the bark off the trees, there just isn't any more room to carve notches for all the women he's had sex with.

4. Mel Gibson wasn't drunk when he called that police officer, "Sugar Tits."  He thought he was Chuck Norris.

5.  Chuck Norris drank an imported beer, once.  Just kidding.

6. Chuck Norris sends more porn stars to the dentist than anyone.

7.  Chuck Norris knows the world is overpopulated, but killing people makes him want to f*ck.

8. Chuck Norris got into Harvard by throwing wolverines at the Admissions Office.  He was also a wiz at the Common Application.

9.  Suicide bombers are not afraid of Chuck Norris.  Any more.

10.  A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

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148 rajnikanth jokes

148 rajnikanth jokes

Here are some jokes.No offence against Rajnikanth fans.
We all know that Rajnikanth is a timeless superstar and his Endhiran 'Robot' is arguably, the biggest ever hit in South India. The second most powerful entertainer in Asia, after Jackie Chan, Rajnikanth has proved that he is Mr. Box Office himself. Let us now go to the lighter side of life and enjoy some Rajnikanth jokes. Here is the ever expanding set of Unlimited Maximum Rajnikanth Jokes (along with the contribution comments from our beloved readers) :

1. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.

2. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.

3. There is no such thing as evolution, it's just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.

4. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.

5 .Rajnikanth can divide by zero.

6. Rajinikanth can judge a book by it's cover.

7. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.

8. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

9. Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.

10. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.

11. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.

12. Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.

13. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.

14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.

15. Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.

16. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

17. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.

18. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

19. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.

20. Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.

21. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.

22. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.

23. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.

24. Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.

25. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.

26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.

27. Rajinikanth can talk about Fight Club.

28. Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.

30. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.

31. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

32. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.

33. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.

34. Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.

35. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.

36. Rajinikanth can throw the Thackerays out of Mumbai.

37. Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.

38. Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.

39. Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.

40. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.

41. Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good "or else". The result? Mother Teresa.

42. Rajinikant electrocuted Iron Man.

43. Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.

44. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.

45. Rajinikanth puts the 'laughter' in manslaughter.

46. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.

47. Rajinikanth can handle the truth.

48. Rajinikanth can speak Braille.

49. Rajinikanth can dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks.

50. Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.

51. Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.

52. Who do you think taught Voldemort Parseltongue? Rajinikanth did.

53. Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result - He was reduced to a joke on the internet.

54. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.

55. Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.


56. Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

57. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.

58. Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

59. Rajinikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

60. Rajinikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.

61.Rajinikant can **** his elbows.

62. Rajinikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

63. Rajinikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.

64. Rajinikant doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

65. Rajinikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds.

66. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult.

67. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

68. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.

69. The statement "nobody can cheat death", is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.

70. When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.

71. Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.

72. Rajinikanth knows what women really want.

73. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.

74. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that's when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.

75. As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.

76. Rajinikanth collects Honey from his private Moon - HoneyMoon.

77. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.

78. Rajinikanth doesn't need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.

79. Rajinikanth's brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury's.

80. Rajinikanth doesn't shower. He only takes blood baths.

81. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.

82. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Rajinikanth's fist.

83. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way.

84. Rajinikanth's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.

85. Rajinikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.

86. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikant”.

87. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.

88. Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

89. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game "Hide n' seek", as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.

90. Rajinikant proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.

91. Rajinikant is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.

92. Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.

93. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.

94. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rajinikanth.

95. Rajinikanth's first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.

96. Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

97. When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

98. Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

99. Rajinikanth's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

100. you dont google rajnikanth...u rajnikanth google

101. Rajnikanth's email is gmail@rajnikanth.com

102. The world will not end in 2012, Rajnikanth has bought a computer with a 3 year warranty.

103. Even Ghajni remembers Rajni !!!

104. The day ROBOT was released, Rajnikanth gave Times of India a rating of 4 stars. Some actors set benchmarks in cinema, Rajnikanth sets deskmarks

105. Micheal Jordan to Rajni - I can spin a basketball on my fingers for 2 hrs. Can u? Rajnikanth - How do u think earth spins?

106. Rajnikant.. once wrote his Autobiography - The book is today known as The Guiness Book of World Records!

107. While playing once rajnikanth said "statue" to a girl..now its know as "Statue of Liberty

108. Rajnikanth to buy Facebook, he will be making one change in it, instead of 'like' he will put 'sooper'

109. Rajnikanth once rolled a dice and scored a 7

110. Rajnikanth runs until the Treadmill gets tired

111. Rajnikant got into a fight with Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pant for the rest of his life. ;)

112. Once Dinosaurs borrowed money frm Rajnikanth n refused 2pay him back.. Tat was d last time.After that no one saw Dinosaurs

113. Rajni gives permission to Sachin to score those hundreds..

114. Alfred Noble won RAJNIKANTH award !

115. Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

116. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on.... he turns the dark off.

117. Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

118. Rajnikant’s codes are never reviewed, if he makes an error, that’s an invention

119. Rajnikanth can write into A READ ONLY FILE

120. Rajnikanth don’t have a Twitter account, Because no one can follow him and he’s already following you

121. Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.

122. If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajnikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

123.Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

124. The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.

125. Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life unless it gets in his way.

126. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

127.Rajnikanth laughs at you and your silly jokes about him even before you think them up. So don't bother..

128.One nite, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbrs... Thats how the Log table was invented.

129. Some actor set benchmarks in cinema, Rajnikanth sets deskmarks

130. If Rajnikanth would have born 100 years back, British would have fought to get independence.

131.Rajnikanth saved the Gal in one hand....titanic in other

132.Every morning rajni goes for spacewalk

133.Rajni is so hot..d cigarette burns before its lit

134.Rajnikanth irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

135. Rajnikanth wrote a check without any bank balance and the bank bounced

136.Only Rajnikanth can smell what the rock is cooking.

137. Intel's new tag line.... RAJNIKANT INSIDE!

138.Once Rajnikanth entered bigg boss...The next day announcement was made... Rajnikanth chahte hai ki bigg boss confession room me aaye..

139.Rajnikanth can cut knife with apple.

140.What does GOD exclaim when he is shocked ? Oh my Rajnikaanth!!!!!

141.Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out.

142.Nature answers Rajnikanth's call.

143. Once Rajnikanth said to a quite shy girl “plz talk something”..Now that girl is known as..Dolly Bindra

144.Rajnikanth bought 2 elephants ,2 camels and 2 horses from the zoo Why? To Play chess!!!!!!

145.After 20 years, Robots will make a movie called Rajnikanth

146.And God said,"RUN, Its Rajinikanth" -Exodus 17:8-16

147.When Rajnikant logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!

148.CAT is OutDated..Now d students have 2 prepapre for RAT.. wondering what it is..? Rajanikant Aptitude Test...

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