15 Healthy ways to express and manage anger
Expressed appropriately, anger is a healthy emotion. However, many people handle anger by either suppressing it too much or expressing it in a hostile manner. If you grew up in a family where it wasn’t “nice” to get angry or where anger was used to control other family members, any sign of antagonism is likely to make you apprehensive. You may fear losing control if you get angry, so it becomes difficult to express anger constructively. This dangerous pattern can lead to such health problems as headaches, hypertension,
gastrointestinal issues, anxiety or depression. Expressing anger explosively is at the opposite end of the spectrum. Blowing up or blaming others is counter-productive in finding a solution to the problem.
1. Talk about how you feel. Say things clearly, calmly, and directly without attacking the other person with words or actions. Talk about how you feel about the situation. Use “I statements,” such as “I feel…” or “I think …” or “I want …” to describe your own reaction rather than blaming the person. It will help them understand what you need from them. People usually respond better when they hear you speak with a calm voice.
2. Name the problem. Explain why you are angry. Don’t yell, use insults, or make threats. If you use “I statements” and remain calm, you may be surprised at the way the other person responds.
3. Listen to the other person. Allow the other person to say what they want and to talk about their feelings and needs.
4. Talk about solutions. Say what you would like to change or what you want to see happen in the future. If you’re having a problem with another person, try to find a solution together.
5. Exercise. Walking, jogging, swimming, or bicycling are good and natural ways to reduce stress and anger. Exercise releases chemicals in the brain that will help you relax. Also, exercise usually takes you away from a stressful situation, gives you time to think, and helps you have more energy.
6. Be good to yourself. Get enough sleep each night and do not use drugs or alcohol to solve your problems. Find healthy ways to manage stress – perhaps watch a favorite movie, read a good book, or take a bubble bath or hot shower.
7. Get help if you need it. Talk with a trusted family member or friend. You may want to see a counselor or other health care professional.
8. Take a “time out.” Although it sounds simplistic, counting to ten or removing yourself from the room goes a long way toward restoring peace. Calm yourself by deep breathing and positive self-statements.
9. Use relaxation techniques. Breathe deeply and rhythmically while relaxing your muscles, one group at a time, and visualizing a pleasant scene.
10. Repeat calming self-statements. Reiterate helpful phrases to yourself such as: “Stay calm,” “I am annoyed, but I can handle this,” or “I do not have to let this bother me.”
11. Get some aerobic exercise. Go for a quick walk or bike ride. Shoot baskets or lift weights.
12. Use humor to release tension. Think of a funny joke or story. Imagine yourself or the person you are angry with in a silly situation.
13. Keep an anger log. Identify the kinds of situations that trigger anger and record your reactions.
14. Talk with a sympathetic friend, spouse, health care provider or therapist. Being able to share your frustrations can help to defuse anger. Actually saying, “I am furious” or “I’m so mad I could…..” will help. Don’t expect your listener to solve the problem, but consider yourself lucky to have someone who lets you vent.
15. Forgive the other person. Recognize that it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you wish. Visualize releasing the anger and feeling calm.
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